I could kick myself. I was in the sleep machine, so of course went to sleep immediately and when we reached our destination I found out that there was a cat in the car. I'm not sure about these cats except that they all think they are superior. I've met or nearly met Chica before but she just gives me the look. |When I think it's time to give her a lesson she scuttles under something that requires your body to reduce to the width of a pencil, so of course I can't get that small. Anyway there she is spectating. So I tried to get closer and she hissed and was really quite unpleasant.

I did not have much time to dwell on this because it was time for fud and then we were off again to meet Reggie, Lola, Vesper, Ruby, the weird dog that has to sit on a platform and doesn't like other dogs and the one with a funny chew like hair piece on her head.

Brilliant the teacher picked on me and she gives huge bits of frankfurter and cheese as rewards. I was torn between showing how clever I am and being stupid to get more treats.

I made the right decision because when she said "Elf picks it up very quickly.." my Mum looked so proud it was worth it. This latest exercise was a good one to pick up quickly because it was "leave".

In one hand our parent has a boring old bit of dried fud. In the other was a £5 frankfurter. They try and offer us the old fud and when we stop trying to get it they click and give us the good fud - hardly rocket science.

Next we were finally allowed off the lead and had to do recall. My Mum has been trying to do this and I go along with it in a half hearted way. This was different you went when your Mum called and got one treat and then the teacher called and you go to her and get another treat. Hang five.

My Mum quite often is talking when the teacher explains the exercise so when it comes to doing it she doesn't get it. But the teacher's husband has a soft spot for her and he always comes and gives a hand. The other teacher Stella, is rather keen on me so I get extra training which equals extra treats.

Before I get a chance to talk to Reggie, who is a bit of a wuss but I like him, we are off. I have a drink in the bowl which is the size of a swimming pool and outside the next class is waiting. They all go "watch out killer dog approaching" meaning me and it's supposed to be a joke.

Two of the dogs were dressed up in Halloween outfits. One had a skeleton-type coat and one had a quite nice cloak but I'm glad I'm not subject to that.

On the way home we had to go and put a rug on Joey who still tries to ignore me but I like him.

Then we went back to Sam's and I must say he is great fun. Well he is a bit quiet but I can jump all over him and he just hangs out. I jump up and lick him and sometimes he rolls over and we have a bit of a play. I would say he is my first friend.

My Mum expected me to pass out but I kept going and she was the first to give in.

Unlike the other puppy students I have been to the Capital so I am feeling quite worldly. In London I have a large area in the kitchen and just outside there is a garden where all sorts of weird things are going on. One of my favourite things is the snails I chase them and catch them and then disguise the fact that there is one in my mouth.

In the morning My Dad usually gets up first and comes to rescue me from my little cage and night area. I am a true eel having saved up all that energy. He likes to carry me up to the bedroom where my Mum is just waking up and put me on the bed. Within moments I am on her face, licking her ears and not meaning to nip but she is so warm that I forget. Then I go for her hair and wiggle about so she can't catch me.

After breakfast (still not getting toast which I love) and a wild and rampant play, we go to Bishops Park along the river Thames in Fulham. It is absolutely fantastic there are so many dogs and smells and joggers and at the moment all the leaves. I am the same colour as the leaves. There is Digger who is not that interested in me except for seeing how many times he can get me to roll over on the ground. But today I met a lovely young lady just a bit older than me and even more eel like. She is a cocker spaniel and boy can she move. I must say she had the upper hand and was knocking me over and rolling me about like a bowling ball, all I could see was mud, sky, mud, sky, mud, sky and I was getting quite dizzy. Just when I stood up, whoosh she bowled me over again.

Then we met Harry Potter's Mum's dogs they are two Borders but I was still recovering from having spent so much time on the ground.

Yesterday it was sooo windy and rainy that I go put in my dad's jacket so I was the only one that didn't get wet.

They are keen on their socialisation list. In London we can tick things off at great speed, bicycles, scooters, child on scooter, prams, double prams, man with zimmer frame, black man with Walkman, Muslims on bench, recycling lorries, school children, joggers, people playing tennis. I am more keen on my own socialisation list and it's not going as well as I would like: carrots, apples, chicken, yogurt, frankfurters, sausages, cheese. I think they could spend more time expanding my repertoire of food, especially as I am thinking of being a chef when I grow up.

I'm not sure about all this typing, I think I am going to get a ghost writer just like those celebrities do. I am already far too busy taking it all in.

Today I saw:

Al pacas

Indian Runner ducks

geese guinea fowl

chickens

wood louse

wasp

fly

scent of badger

bunnies

spiders

ponies

two dogs Talisker and Oban that are my friends

The small human who is my Mummy talks a lot. At first I thought humans spoke to each other but clearly this is not the case as my Mum often talks to nobody. We have settled into a sort of routine which I am glad to say completely revolves around me. My humans seem very modern, for instance most of my mates get James Well Beloved but I get Barking Heads which is even healthier.

Just when I thought I knew the ropes I got put in the moving sleep machine to arrive at what I can only describe as sensory overload. For some reason I had only met Norfolks and family at that when suddenly there I was in a great hall with OTHER DOGS. They were all bigger than me but I suppose that's how it is going to be. And this is weird, we were not allowed to meet each other we were on our leads trying to make introductions but instead were put on mats and our human parents were given these clicking toys. Suddenly everyone was going sit, sit, sit. At first I thought it was some pagan ritual. They went all round the room with the owners saying sit but they didn't sit they expected US to sit. What is that all about?

Then they picked on Ruby who is a quite nice greyhound with a mottled brown, grey coat. She is quite thin and elegant but rather aloof. I saw hre owner gave her fud and she sat beautifully although rather haughtily I thought.

I decided to sit for the fud but no that wasn't good enough it seems. You have to sit when they say and not before.

The teacher gave a talk about how there were £5 treats (sausages) and £1 treats (cheese) and that for something good we should get a good treat. Everyone else seemed to be getting tons of junk fud sausages, frankfurters and quite big pieces but I just got some things like carrot bits - which, don't get me wrong, I love carrots but they take a bit of time to eat. The labs gobbled everything I don't think they'd do a sit for a tiny weeny bit of carrot.

I sat next to Reggie who is clearly in charge of his owner. I hope to make friends with Reggie and have a bit of a romp but suddenly it was time to pack up and off we went.

In our house I have found a spot that is quite hard to get to behind the sofa. I'm not allowed around here much but if I go under a chair, then squeeze under a couple of table legs there is a very small gap that gets me behind the sofa and what is there...the buried gold, Aladdin's cave a feast for small molars, an unprecedented collection of rubber chickens. Now I never met Pickle but the more I find out about him the more I realise he must have been some cool dude. I reckon he practically needed to catalogue these chickens there are so many and my God he'd had some serious sessions with some that's for sure. There's one that's virtually destroyed all that's left is a carcass no wings, legs, head, not going to even bother going there. But I feel this is my inheritance and I'm going to respect that. Or at least that was the plan until I found the Father Christmas chicken. I think this is a sign because the Christmas chicken still has a SQUEAK and boy does that get a Norfolk terrier hyped up.

I think this is how I got my name

My home is within the much larger human home. There is a plank which I like to hang over with my paws that of course I can climb over if I want. In my home I have the cosiest stuff. I get a hottie before bed and a treat and I sleep with a stuffed reindeer.

On the first night I did jump out and had a good explore as all the doors had been left open. It wasn't as easy to get back though. Fortunately I already have two beds so I just curled up on the one in the main kitchen.

It was lucky I had a good sleep because my first day was action-packed. I tried on a rather dashing red collar that I completely forgot about because it was playtime and there was lots going on. The smaller human took me outside and I was on a lead which was actually quite nice because I didn't have to worry about anything. And oh my God there was so much stuff, all these incredible smells and then there was rumbling, the moving but not moving things which now I know are cars and they take you from one park to another.

We went out and I was busy scrambling about. We drove to big humans job and I was treated like a rock star, lots of cuddles and I kept trying to escape as there were all sorts of things to explore and destroy.

Afterwards we got back in the moving box and went to another home where there were two more humans (my uncle and aunt) who have a big shiny floor and a big garden with lots to explore. There was just so much going on but I just got too tired and had to pass out. I was barely aware of being cuddled by my aunt and uncle. I slept all the way home.

When I woke up for tea I was still tired but had a bit of a romp as there were new things to play with and I tried raw carrot which is quite tricky and yogurt which is yummy.

My Dad (the big human) came home and he was so pleased to see me that I gave him a huge welcome. We had some man time together. At night I heard the sound of barking but it wasn't my Mum. I just hot footed it home, I did not think being incredibly brave would be sensible. Once again I was zonked and my hottie was beckoning.

Oh my God, Oh my God, Oh my God! What has just happened? One minute I'm watching the clock waiting for my James Well Beloved biscuits after a busy morning waiting for the stoat to appear and annoying my sister, and the next I'm snuggled against a new person (but I seem to remember their smell) and off we go. We are moving but not moving. Whoosh off we go and things are flashing by the window and there seems to be lots to chew. I am in a totally new environment (I am already learning human-speak).

We haven't gone very far and then I am transported to a new piece of grass with some very fine smells and a stick, brilliant. There are some pretty strange noises whoosh and something goes by very quickly to the left and then whoosh something goes by to the right.

Chill I tell myself, don't question it.

Then it's back with the humans and off again, moving but not moving. I'm put in a box and look over but that doesn't last for long then it's back to one of my human's lap. But I'm feeling just too sleepy to stay awake zzzzzzz

We arrive and there is stuff coming from every direction, noises, smells, smells, noises, lots of moving things.

We go into a spot that looks a bit like home with a comfy looking bed and I think the Telegraph, just like home. But there are tons of things grass, not grass, chewy sticks, a little ledge that was hard to get over but I did it by getting my bum on and inching up my legs. I can't remember being so busy and humans that play all the time, talk about sensory overload. I was almost too busy to have my dinner but just didn't eat it all at once.

Then they left and there was no-one but lots of lights and noise. I did a half hearted whimper but to tell the truth I was knackered and that bed was ever so comfy.